November has rolled around once again. The leaves are falling, the air is crisp, and Americans across the country are seizing the opportunity to count their blessings and give thanks for everything they have. For many, it’s the usual answers – health, family, friends, a secure job, a cozy home. But for those who have left unhappy marriages, the list often extends into more personal – and sometimes hilarious – territory.
We spoke to women between the ages of 50 and 70 about why they’re thankful for their divorces.
Thankful for … no more gross bodily stuff
“I no longer have to shave his back hair before vacation. Now someone else gets the honor!”
– Sue Ann M., 60, Capitola, CA
“Never having to hear or smell him using the bathroom while I’m showering.”
– Sandra N., 57, Rosebank, NSW, Australia
“I don’t have to see his teeth sitting in a cup when I wake up in the morning.”
– Deb K., 60, Frisco, TX
“I no longer have to clean his pee off the bathroom floor because of his poor aim. His new wife can do it!”
– Felesha T., 54, Atlanta, GA
Thankful for … saying goodbye to his bad habits
“I no longer have to remind him to change his clothes once a year.”
– Melissa T.
“Not having to wake up gagging on the smell of his Axe body spray every morning.”
– Noreen G., 63, Milford, CT
“I no longer have to smell his disgusting cigarettes or iron his shirts.”
– Adele C., 61, Brisbane, Australia
“No more worrying if the toilet seat is up when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.”
– Melody H., 56, Wabasha, MN
“I don’t have to wonder who he’s looking at when we’re out to dinner, and I never have to hear him compare me to his mother ever again!”
– Gwen K., 67, Whitehall, MT
Thankful for … peace and quiet around the house
“I get to sleep clothed or unclothed without the expectation of any funny business happening.”
– Toni M., 55, Louisville, KY
“I don’t have to answer to him anymore, I don’t have to walk around on eggshells.”
– Melanie S., 62, Beaumont, TX
“I don’t have to lie awake all night listening to his thunderous snoring.”
– Ellen A., 67, Jensen Beach, FL
“No longer having to wake up and go to sleep to the sound of a blaring television. God forbid he missed a “General Hospital” episode (he taped them).”
– Jan N., 62, San Diego, CA
“I don’t have to hear what I should/shouldn’t have said or done…ever again!”
– Cathy M., 62, Westminster, CO
“No more hearing him say ‘I don’t care’ or ‘I don’t want to hear it’ when I try to make small talk in the evenings.”
– Dyana B., 62, Santa Barbara, CA
“I don’t have to hear him ask what’s for dinner anymore.”
– Ester O., 52, Galt, CA
“I don’t have to watch those chase-and-shoot superhero movies anymore. They’re loud, bloated, completely devoid of meaningful dialogue, and they’re all the same.”
– Nancy H., 70, Milwaukee, WI
Thankful for … renewed physical, emotional and mental health
“Not having to wonder if my partner is telling the truth or lying.”
– Denise H., 65, Orlando, FL
“No more toxic mother-in-law.”
– Michele W., 55, Pittsburgh, PA
“I don’t feel like crap anymore. I was ill when I was with him, but all that disappeared when he left!”
– Vicki P., 56, England
“No one is trying to spend all my money, blame me for something they did, or trying to control my every move.”
– Lynn S., 69, Portland, OR
“I’m no longer sacrificing my needs and desires for a relationship with zero reciprocation or even acknowledgement of my worth.”
– Mary D., 50, Bloomington-Normal, IL
“Not having to feel scared he might find the tiniest scuff on the outside of either one of our cars.”
– Sheri E., 50, Houston, TX
“I’m thankful because although I spent the first 20 years looking out the window wondering when he would come home, I spent the last years looking out and dreading him coming home.”
– Rhonda S., 63, Hampton Roads, VA
Thankful for … the small things
“This is the first time in my life that I’ve gotten to hold the TV remote.”
– Lori G., 66, Foxworth, MS
“I can order whatever I want from a restaurant now!”
– Stacy K., 63, Mesa, AZ
“I don’t have to wipe his fingerprints off the light switch plates anymore.”
– Dana J., WY
