Tag: staying healthy and sane

 A year after separating from my “was-bund,” the type of relationship I’m craving the most isn’t romantic – it’s platonic.  Instead of being surrounded by close, intimate friends, I feel like I’m alone on an island. That’s because two years ago, I moved to North Carolina, where my ex attended college. At first, I loved having instant friends in my new town, but when we split, most of my local connections were with people he’s known since the ‘90s, and I wasn’t sure who to trust. Other than a few close friends who live hundreds of miles away, I’m starting my friendship journey from scratch at 43. It’s no secret that loneliness is a health hazard. In fact, research suggests that the price of social isolation – which increases the risk of death from all causes – rivals that of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity. On the flip side, strong friendships later in life are important not only for our psychological well-being, but for our cognitive functioning and physical health as well. The good news? It’s possible to build up friendship reserves at any stage of life.  Here’s how to nurture existing relationships and open the door to new connections, according to experts. Why mindset matters when looking for new friendships Divorce can make us feed our insecurities and increase our fear of rejection. But friendship has a lot to do with our state of mind, and assuming that people like us often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, said Marisa Franco, Ph.D., a psychologist, friendship expert, and author of “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends.” According to risk regulation theory, we are either in self-protection mode or pro-relationship mode, Franco explained. In self-protection mode, we don’t initiate, we aren’t vulnerable, and we aren’t generous, she said.

Like a fine wine, life is made richer through its complexity. The bitter notes can add depth, making the sweet moments more blissful. And time has a way of marrying them all together into a tapestry of joys and sorrows that are unique to you, lending fullness to your character. When it comes to divorce, people tend to think of it as one of the bitter notes. No matter what the circumstances, sadness, and regret well up when a relationship ends. But often there is light at the end of the tunnel, helping people reclaim a sense of self – for people who want to look for it. Four people who went through divorce were generous enough to share their stories with THE EXIT, and to describe the emotional journeys they went on, and the lessons they learned. Here is what they had to say: Richard*, communications strategist in his 50s (Richard asked us not to use his real name out of sensitivity for his ex-wife.) What happened: Richard took the plunge and got married, but his heart wasn’t in it. After dating a few years, the couple said their “I do’s” in a romantic ceremony on a tropical island. But almost immediately afterward, he started to feel anxious and depressed. “I pulled the parachute after 90 days,” he said, adding that he packed up all his stuff, put it into a car, and booked passage on a boat to a foreign country. The struggle: Having been raised in the Catholic tradition, which places high value on marriage and family, Richard battled mightily with pangs of guilt. “It was extremely embarrassing because my parents had been at my wedding just weeks earlier, and so had her (parents), and there’s a huge social bond,” he said. “You’re making a promise not